Oh Christ, so you know what I realized today? I’ve become a consumer…a consumer my friend. I have become a consumer. Now that I’m becoming more and more independent from my parents (financially and otherwise) I realize how much our culture is geared toward the accumulation of stuff. Fucking internet, it’s like one big tv commercial. I mean somebody has to pay for it right, why not advertisers. I seriously need to reevaluate my lifestyle one of these days. Have to become less of a consumer…right after I get all that stuff that I want.

I would like to know what the deal is with people on facebook, if I have not met you please do not friend me. That is weird. You are weird. Please go away. The End.

I cannot wait for school.

well xanga its been a while, a long while. I think our reunion comes from the serious lack of people awake at 3 in the morning. Because then i would dump all of this on them, and they would probably respond with mostly one word answers...(dear 6th grade english teacher, i just started a sentence with a capitol Because...deal with it)

Anyways I'm not sure what sort of wisdom I am suppose to be unloading at this certain point in time, perhaps it is that actually writing in a diary is a little too 1890's. I mean why should we not bear our emotions to the entirety of cyberspace. (Also I'm just a bigger fan of keyboards) I know I know, where is this going Rob? Good question...and by that i mean these are my musings so i say they dont have to have a point. I mean i am essentially talking to myself. Xanga went out of style with the rise of myspace. Mostly because people cannot sit down long enough to type in paragraphs (I think those people say something along the lines of "that rob sits down too long to type in paragraphs).

I am tired.
Literally. In every respect of the word. I am tired of __fill in the blank_. Fucking everything. Ok maybe thats a little cynical, i am not tired of inheriting billions of dollars (...damn i thought that would work) I mean its like life doesnt seem to motivate me in any great way. Get up, do stuff, hang out, sleep. My life has become all etc. etc. My life is an ETC. Thats a pleasing thought. At least now i dont have to make up things when people ask "so what have you been up to lately?" I can just respond with "etc. etc."
I am tired.
Do you ever feel that you should not go to bed because you really don't feel you have accomplished enough to warrant sleep. It's like you do nothing of any great consequence all day and then you get in your bed and you're like "....i dont feel like i need this sleep, i have to go do something first" Yet you are still very tired, just not sleepy. Or in the case of right now I am both.

Speaking of pointless ramblings...

hope you enjoyed them, little man out in cyberspace

Its really been a while for this one, but oh well, all things come to an end...then start up again, part of the natural course of things I suppose.

You know I think I'm more stressed right now than ever, well maybe not ever, but at least more than i should be. I would really like a vacation...oh well would you look at that it's vacation (cynical sarcasm). Now otherwise that would be great, but when you're out of school for a week before break because your great aunt in Florida died then vacation is really not vacation at all. It's actually a lot of stressing and procrastination...and spending a week with my parents isn't the most fun experience i've had to date.

Do you ever have half fun? Because right now I feel like I just had half fun, fun that for all practical purposes should be fun but for some reason isn't as fun as you remember. Maybe it's a zen kind of thing, or maybe its that I have a huge headache...oh well, life goes on right? Sometimes I'm not so sure thats a comforting thought, "hey man don't worry about it life goes on" just doesn't seem to do it for me. I suppose it would be even less conforting if somebody said..."hey man don't worry about it you're going to die tomorrow anyways," but i guess thats a matter of opinion.
I really wish somebody would just come up and say, "don't worry tomorrow this isn't going to matter tomorrow" and actually have it not matter tomorrow. You know i think the worst part is that I don't even know what 'this' is. Maybe it's that I know very well what this is. Fucking administration, and I don't even really like the word fucking. Fucking administration, something about that word just seems to make things feel better, fucking people, fucking world. Things just have a ring to them with the word F-U-C-K-I-N-G in front of them. Crude? perhaps. Effective? absolutely.

I guess theres just something to be said to baring your innermost thoughts to the cosmos, I really wish i could do more of that.

You know what i really wish, i really wished that people meant it when they say "How are you doing?" and "Are you ok?" I mean nobody really wants the answer to that question, everybody just wants "yeah, things are great, i'm ok, couldn't be better etc." I wish i could just shout Fuck NO! I am not ok!, but i can't, nobody wants to hear that.

Maybe it's a little arrogant to say but i really wish I had another me, because then i could tell all my problems to my other self, and my other self would actually care to sit there and talk to me. And my other self would do it because they genuinely cared for me. As much as I love working through others peoples problems with them I would really like some of that in return.

Have any of you heard the lyrics to the song 16 tons? Probably not, it went out of style around the same time lead paint and horse carraiges. Anyways 16 tons goes a little like this
---"Loaded 16 tons and whaddya get? Another day older and deeper in debt."---
What they're talking about is loading coal. The singer is lamenting that no matter how hard he works at the end of the day all he gets is screwed. I feel a little like that right now.

oh yeah now i remember what xanga is for, those nights when you feel like you should be doing something but you arent quite sure what that thing is but its really buggin you that you arent doing it.

My week hasn't had closure, i know thats it. I haven't had that physical hanging out period to bring another 5 days of educational drudgery to a rightful end. Oh the joys of being sick, and tired, and maybe a little bit lonely.

and this is the part where i realize that i have absolutely nothing constructive to say (and surprisingly not anything destructive or reconstructed either) except that dvd's from the library are never as good as you think they will be. Oh and i just remembered that i have the eternal father of all headaches, i think i might have reached a new state of conciousness through sensitivity to light and sound. It is possible.

I think if i sum up my week with a series of short unconnected thoughts i will be able to go to bed, so here we go...
-Whoever invented taco pizza needs to solve their cultural identity crisis, it's like a freaking kosher pork chop up in here
-Registering for the SAT is unnecessarily complicated.
-You never really get to know someone until you have spent 3 days singing and doing hand motions to the same song, only to be yelled at in the chapel by angry administration.
- If the Jesus blues don't count as participating i don't know what does
- Short whiney people should be put in resettlement camps
- Nothing like a good replacement complex to brighten your day
- Sickness makes me senile and sarcastic (and apparently cryptic)
- making shirts about girls is always a bad idea
- exploiting the masses just isn't as fun as it used to be
- capitol letters really bother me
- People should be banned from quoting things
-the bill of rights needs to be ammended, freedom of speech should be changed to freedom from speech, also known as some people need to stop talking forever